


She Keeps Me Warm

by crygiankie_trash



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, closeted jan, oh look. another song fic, some like small angst i guess?, useless fkn lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:40:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26581549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crygiankie_trash/pseuds/crygiankie_trash
Summary: Jackie falls in love with Jan, and she's sure Jan feels the same; if she'll ever leave the closet that is.Title and story inspired by the Mary Lambert song 'She Keeps Me Warm'
Relationships: Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	She Keeps Me Warm

**Author's Note:**

> ... Write what you know they said. So here, have some anxious lesbians. Boneapple tits. 
> 
> Big shout-out to @myhusbandisharryhamilton for actively encouraging this unbeta'd mess. That was gonna be a cute fluffy oneshot and became a beast of it's own. As usual this was written at 2am and I didn't really beta it because I'm what? Chaotic. 
> 
> Basically Jackie is a crew member for a travelling broadway show (think of the ones in tents that travel the country) and Jan is the newcomer/star of this seasons tour.

_She says I smell like safety and home, I named both of her eyes forever and please don’t go”_

For someone so confident, borderlining on brash on stage, who shines and commands a stage, a theatre full of people. Jan is fragile, soft blonde hair and almost doe like brown eyes, hands that shake after a performance even if it’s to thunderous applause and a standing ovation. Her hands seek out Jackie’s, grounding her before and after each show, seeking validation is a manner that could only be described as needy to some people. A star who comes crashing down as the adrenaline wears off, white teeth biting in a plump lower lip. “Did I do good?” before Jackie reassures her with a bright smile that she did, and sending her back onstage to take her bow to thunderous applause, any residual fear leaving the blonde’s body as she basks in the warmth of the lights and the outpouring of adoration from the audience.

The arrangement of a crew member being assigned to a cast member for rooming purposes has been a fixture on their tours since that one memorable incident where Nicky Doll had somehow managed to bring back an entire harem of women to a one bed hotel room, and as a season pro? She’d been paired with Jan; the newcomer to the circuit, and it hadn’t taken her long to realise the blonde was in fact as bubbly and affectionate behind closed doors as she was in the open, their conversations easy as if they’d known each other for years and reaching a domestic niche in near record time once Jan had hovered next to Jackie’s bed during a particularly nasty storm in Chicago and Jackie half asleep had pulled back the blanket, barely registering when the smaller body slips in next to her, though she had questioned when it became a habit, though the one night Jan had gone to her own bed, she’d missed the warmth of the blonde keenly before murmuring a quiet “...Get back in here” before small steps patter across the room and the blonde settled into her arms, a thick blonde plait tickling at the exposed skin of her chest, as they settle into their spooning positions.

Though what is surprising is when Jan turns around, curling around Jackie like a koala on a tree branch head tucking into her neck, cheek pressed to her collarbone exhaling softly before murmuring quietly, sleepily her words tumbling together “...You feel like home. I don’t know how I’m gonna sleep without you when this is all done”

_“This could be good, this could be good”_

Their first night together was unexpected, the product of one too many vodka sodas and a lingering glance. Jan’s lips streaked with gloss that shone under the harsh fluorescent lights of the bathroom, her hands running down Jackie’s sides in appreciation of the navy blue cocktail dress that skimmed over her thighs. “I like this”, her hands rest on the swell of Jackie’s hips, eyes flicking up glassy with liquid courage as Jackie’s heartbeat thrums in her ears, reaching out to Jan’s tasseled gold mini-dress echoing the sentiment. “...I also like this' her hands ligering, just shy of being considered inappropriate and feeling the swell of Jan’s ass under the material as they move closer neither willing to let go of the other. She still can’t tell who kissed who, the kiss starting off clumsy as they bump against the wall, stumbling as the unlocked cubicle door swings open before slamming it behind them, hastily locking it.

Her fingers hurriedly tug the barely there scrap of material clinging to Jan’s wet heat down far enough so she run her fingers along soaked folds unhindered, the breathy whimpers and whines coming from the blonde spurring her on before sinking to her knees to the tiled floor, her tongue delving into the slick arousal streaking her inner thighs, feeling fingers in her hair with a newfound determination to bring the blonde undone, something that happens in minutes before they pile into an hastily ordered uber, Jan’s fingers determinedly make their way up Jackie’s dress, clumsy but eager to please before Jackie gently takes a hold of her wrist with a quiet admonishment “..Later Princess” until finally they make their way to the hotel, stripping each other of the layers of clothes, Jan looks almost ethereal in the combination of moonlight and the dull haze from a nearby streetlight filtering in through lightweight curtains.. Supple skin glowing alabaster, large full breasts tipped with dusky rose coloured nipples begging for Jackie’s lips to be wrapped around them. She sinks to her knees, ever the eager pupil before Jackie guides her head, offering soft words, advice as she chases her orgasm against full lips and round cheeks.

_“I can’t change, even if i tried, even if I wanted to”_

“Did you always know you were gay?” The question is posed thoughtfully as they lie in bed, Jackie’s thighs littered with small bite marks and fresh bruising as Jan peers up at her, from where her cheek is pillowed on Jackie’s toned stomach, a metallic mauve nail tracing along the underside of Jackie’s breast following the gentle curve and swell of the fleshy mounds before Jackie muses over the question. “...I think so, it’s just always been like that, yet I never had a great deal of anxiety about it. It’s something I can’t change so why worry about it?” Her smile softens slightly, her own blunt nails combing through Jan’s mane of blonde hair. “Besides Janetta, the sooner you realise men are trash. The better off you’ll be.”

_“Do you fall in love too easily?”_

The seasons keep changing around them. Another city, another hotel room, another hickey that marrs Jackie’s skin, another pair of Jan’s filmy lace panties ruined and Jackie’s hooked on everything the blonde is. Waking up with Jan is easy, a tanned arm wrapped around her pale hourglass figure, the lazy morning kisses, the way Jan looks wrapped in a hotel duvet with her hair messy from the night before, chocolate eyes glinting from behind dark rimmed glasses in their quieter moments. The way she falls into Jackie’s arms, how her legs spread unyielding and inviting. How Jan tries to find a Persian takeaway place in every city they visit when Jackie’s homesickness for her parents cooking reaches its peak, the way her lips graze against the stubborn dark hairs that cling to Jackie’s sideburns. It’s easy to fall in love with her. Too easy, and she falls slowly and then all at once somewhere between Fall and Winter where Jan’s casual dresses become fluffy jackets, dark jeans. Where her summer ponytail becomes braids tucked under beanies, her hands encased in snug purple mittens, cheeks flushed from the cold and slightly chapped from the bitterly cold air that snaps across both their faces as they stumble home from the theater after an evening performance pleading respite from going out with the rest of the cast arm in arm, barely making it to the elevator before Jan’s lips are peppering at Jackie’s neck, smearing lipstick on the faux fur lining of Jackie’s coat.

_“Do you like kissing girls? Can I call you baby?”_

One thing Jackie realises quickly is how much affection Jan drinks up, how she craves validation, a sweet word, or a gentle nudge in the right direction. It feels right to have Jan at her side, a gentle arm wrapped around her waist as they navigate the complex networking of their profession. She knows Jan’s passionate energy can be disarming, that it can be perceived as too much, as borderline cocky, but her heart swells with each laugh, with each interaction that has Jan beaming her trademark smile as their eyes meet across the room. Though her favourite thing? Is how breathless it can leave Jan in the bedroom. A mess of ruined underwear, of trembling thighs and breathy whimpers, the way she begs Jackie to let her orgasm, the way her pussy stretches out around Jackie’s strap on and the way her breasts bounce with each thrust of her hips, or the way she stares up at Jackie from between her thighs, cheeks and chin coated in Jackie’s arousal with her cheeks flushed and pupils so dilated that the dark iris of her eyes all but disappears. The soft whines when Jackie calls her a good girl, tells her how pretty she is, or the debauched things Jackie wants to do to her, or the way her walls flutter around her fingers when Jackie calls her Baby, a helpless whimper falling from reddened and kiss-swollen lips as she rides out her third orgasm of the night against Jackie’s fingers, silken arousal seeping into Jackie’s palm.

_“She says that people stare, because we look so good together”_

Jan commands attention as attractive people do, her disregard for volume when excited about something draws stares in crowded rooms and shopping complexes, an effervescent personality that spills around into the environment around her drawing people into her warmth, making them feel like they’ve known her forever. On the rare occasion she and Jackie venture to the club with Crystal, Gigi, and Rock, or meet up with Jaida and Nicky on the road; or in one memorable incident accidentally crashing an Indian wedding with Brita. People take notice. Whether it be the curves spilling into an assortment of opalescent minidresses in various shades of sequins, or the way she throws herself into whatever she’s doing, even when it’s dancing to some god awful techno remix of Heaven is a place of Earth. Her hands still cling to Jackie’s arm, holding herself upright to combat the effect of too many vodka sodas as they wait in the bathroom, Jan squinting at her reflection in the smeared mirror. “...Look how pretty we look Jacks. We look sooooo good. I’d do us, like we do .. Like do each other but you know?” before giving another one of her dazzling smiles at Jackie before retching violently into the sink, the moment ruined.

_“My love, my love, my love, my love, she keeps me warm”_

Another city, another hotel room they make their own and Jackie’s more in love than ever completely besotted with the blonde. She memorises each curve and blemish of Jan’s skin with soapy hands in the shower, the press of Jan’s lips against her shoulder, the way her hair falls into uneven waves on the rare occasion she lets it dry naturally, the way her dark roots peak through at her scalp before Crystal applies bleach over them again. The way Jan just slots into her arms, the way they become a messy tangle of limbs splayed in the one bed. Jan asking seemingly endless questions about Jackie’s sexuality, her ex-girlfriends, the clubs she frequents back home, her first kisses, her first crush. Though when the tables are turned the bottle blonde goes silent, picking at a loose thread with manicured fingers muttering quietly. “I’m not like that” before burying her face in Jackie’s neck, teeth scraping gently against her collarbone, previously timid fingers now bold sliding along hipbones and dipping under the comfortable sleep shorts that Jackie’s so fond of wearing, or the way she refuses to let Jackie go in the morning, pulling the blanket around them tighter and mumbling for ten more minutes before they have to start their routine turning around after she’s done her makeup and hair pouting for a gentle kiss and the affirmation of being called Pretty Girl.

_“I’m not crying on Sundays”_

Jan’s sexuality is never a subject that is broached as a general rule, Jackie’s seen her tinder on her phone, seen her swipe through numerous men with an almost bored expression, as if out of obligation before putting her phone down. She’s seen Jan come home from dates and having the same answer. “I just wasn’t feeling it” as she changes into her pyjamas and steals sips of Jackie’s sleep blend tea, curling into the brunette wherever she’s seated. Jackie knows Jan, knows her habits, her favourite songs, the way her bad moods or temper can take a while to flare up, though as intense as they are, they also die off just as quickly like a pebble being tossed into a lake leaving no trace behind, they know each other inside and out, the intimacy between them raw and real, unfiltered; the most authentic versions of themselves behind closed doors, though it all comes crashing down. Their last two shows are approaching, the tour over and Jackie is left with the burning question that comes out one night as they lay in each other's arms still sticky and breathless. “....What are we?” before the silence creeps between them, snaking around their limbs and immobilising them before Jan whispers, her voice cracking slightly. “...I don’t know” sending the room into silence until they nod off, the tension broken by soft snuffling snores as Jackie stares blankly at the wall.

Their bags are packed, the bed made neatly, magnets bearing the name of every town they’d performed in removed from the fridge and stashed safely in Jan’s suitcase cushioned by the fluffy lilac robe she’d picked up in Pittsburgh, there’s only a final goodbye to have between them, as they both hover awkwardly at the door. Jan seems smaller and more subdued as she stares up at Jackie, her mouth opening and closing though no words come out of it, and Jackie breaks that final barrier, pressing a gentle kiss to Jan’s forehead, the slope of her nose, the apples of her cheeks, before finally caressing Jan’s lips with her own for the final time and pulling back. “...Take care Jan”, the words are softly spoken; Jackie’s own throat tightening up as Jan mutely nods, tears already brimming in the blondes eyes before they start coursing down her cheeks, and as much as it pains Jackie to do so? She turns away, opening the door and wheeling her suitcase down the carpeted hall, disappointed but not surprised when footsteps don’t follow her, only the sounds of the door slamming shut behind her leaving the hallway almost cavernous as the lift clicks between floors sending her back to her life that she’d had before Jan came along.

_“My love, she keeps me warm”_

It’s been 405 days since Jackie fell in love with Jan, it’s been 83 days since they last spoke, Jan’s earnest tear stained face being the last thing Jackie saw when she left that hotel room for the last time. It didn’t end with a screaming match, with things being thrown, it wasn’t drawn out or dramatic like Jackie had half expected. It was as if they just slipped back into their old lives. Jackie taking a trip to Canada to see her parents, and from what she could gauge by Jan’s instagram? The blonde had been just as busy surrounded by friends, family and taking the family dog Miffy for endless walks if the boomerangs were any indication. It’s not that they had ended things on a sour note, but rather just drifted apart. As far as Jackie knew? Jan was still in the closet of denial, and as much as Jackie loved her? She knew she had to love herself more and be more than someone’s dirty secret, someone who wanted to walk with her in the sun as well as who loved her by moonlight and in nooks and crannies of unfamiliar city where no-one knew them, so she’d distanced herself, their messages short and brief before finally dying out after day 20.

So why is she at a charity cocktail party and performance night with the rest of the cast in a dress of the same cut as the one that kick started everything all those nights ago but in a rich shade of burgundy?. She’s not sure, but seeing Jan again sends her heart fluttering all the way to the top of the ornate wooden decorative rafters, though she’s not sure why Jan’s on the stage, her anxiety palpable from Jackie’s view from the floor. One of the junior costume designers Gigi nudges into her side gently, her head tilting in concern before Jackie gives a small smile turning away as one of the makeup artists Crystal comes up behind Gigi, looping an arm around a slender waist, sliding a champagne flute into her hand and pressing a kiss to an exposed shoulder. A domestic action that makes Jackie’s own heart ache, though she’s pulled from her thoughts when Jan becomes speaking, a small quaver in her voice. “....Hi everyone, sorry I know I wasn’t on the performance cards for tonight, but there’s something I needed to get off my chest, tonight is about celebrating those that we love, and for a future where everyone will be accepted no matter who it is they love, and 83 days ago? I let the person I loved leave without telling them how I felt, and without asking if they felt the same. I hope they do, and even if they don’t? I want to thank them because they made me feel something, something worth fighting for. Even if I’m only learning to fight now, but I met them because I could sing, so .. I guess it's only fitting I should sing again”

“She says I smell like safety and home.. I named both of her eyes forever and please don’t go..” Jan’s voice fills the small room, to a few gasps around the room. “I could be your mornin’ sunrise..” Each word fills the room, the occupants' expressions ranging from proud to surprised, though she can detect a slight upturned lip from a particularly unpleasant looking gentleman.

“She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm”, the pronouns of the song remain unchanged, Jan’s eyes keep searching the room, before Jackie steps forward, deftly weaving her way through the small crowd, barely registering those stepping aside to let her at the stage. Jan’s taken one of the boldest moves someone can make, not only coming out but doing so publicly on a stage infront of her peers, and potential future bosses. Jackie keeps moving forward, like a drunken seaman following a siren’s call determined to get to the raised platform before the final notes trail off though she’s unsure if the thundering in her ears is applause or her own heartbeat ready to take flight out of her chest.

Though once Jan sees her, the blonde drops to her knees, the microphone falling by the wayside with a high splitting shriek as it hits the ground before Jackie’s hands raise, cupping delicate cheekbones glazed with highlight, seeing blonde waves and smelling bon bon perfume, Jan’s voice quiet, breaking the tension between them“...I’m not too late right?” Jackie’s head shakes once, twice before laughing quietly at the ever earnest expression. “...Never too late” one hand still cupping Jan’s face gently before pressing their lips together, starting soft and sweet, though it quickly becomes searing in intensity, an accumulation of everything they’d missed over the past few months until oxygen finally becomes an issue, breaking apart to stare dazedly at each other, panting softly. “...I love you” “I love you” soft proclamations from both of them fill the space between them, neither willing to let go before a loud cough breaks them out of their daze.

Finally peeling their gazes away from each other, they take in a slightly awkward Heidi still gazing at them. “....Uh.. Ladies, as cute as y’all are.. We erm.. We kind of need the stage for the rest of the events. So if y’all wanted to go upstairs, I don’t think anyone would be mad” before Jan gives a small giggle, pressing her forehead against Jackie’s before getting to her feet, cheeks flushing pink as she clambers down the stairs and straight back into Jackie’s arms. “...Miss Cox? Should we?” her head tilting upwards to gaze at the taller brunette, Jackie’s arms tightening around her on instinct before shaking her head. “... I think it's time we went home”

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all know the drill, leave a kudos or a comment or something if you enjoyed. I hope you did because I think I actually had fun writing it. (Honestly i'm so sleep deprived these days I don't know what I'm feeling half the time) But thanks for actually reading this far. Love y'all. <3 
> 
> ** also the Indian wedding accidentally happened to my sister and I, so it seemed fitting to have Jan's 'NY sister' be the one who this also happened to **


End file.
